MONTEGI, JAPAN – After becoming the first woman driver in history to win an IndyCar race, Danica Patrick spoke with reporters on the relief she felt and some of the measures she had taken to improve her overall driving performance.

“Oh. My. Gawd. This is sooo great!” said the obviously excited Patrick. “I feel so relieved its not even funny. I haven’t felt like this since I finally passed the parallel parking part of my driving test, after like, the third time. Whew!”

Patrick was asked if she had taken any steps to maybe improve her IndyCar racing ability. “Well, for one, I decided to quit trying to put on my mascara during the race; I figured I would just do it when the race was over” stated Patrick. “I also decided to quit focusing so hard while I’m driving; I just turned up the radio and started thinking about what I was going to where to the party tonight – then about halfway through the race, I realized I was doing really good and I started texting my BFF Candi and it was totally awesome! Wow!”

Patrick said that this historic event sets the tone for women drivers everywhere and that hopefully they will look at what she has accomplished and maybe become better drivers because of it – but ultimately, they’re still women drivers.